Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Narrative Twist

"Karma"
By: Anthony Barragan

    She left about four o'clock in the morning. Since midnight her husband had been dozing in a deserted little room, in company with three other men whose wives were having a good time. He threw over her shoulders the garments he had brought for them to go home in, modest everyday clothes, whose poverty clashed with the beauty of the ball-dress. She was conscious of this and was anxious to hurry away, so that she should not be noticed by the other women putting on their costly furs. She ran off, but something was missing. When she realized her necklace was gone, Mme. Losiel panicked. Instead of telling her friend, she went to go buy a new necklace. Working hard to give money back to the bank, they ended up poorer than before.

    She came to know the heavy work of the house, the hateful duties of the kitchen. She washed the plates, wearing out her pink nails on the coarse pottery and the bottoms of pans. She washed the dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and hung them out to dry on a string; every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. And, clad like a poor woman, she went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money.


    10 years later, Mme. Loisel bumped into her friend , Mme. Foriester, who was the one who let Mme. Loisel borrow that necklace. She noticed how nice Mme. Foriester was dressed, Mme. Foriester didn’t noticed Mme. Loisel from her looks until she reminded her who she was. Mme. Losiel told her the truth, the necklace was fake.
Mme. Loisel thought, “I am going to steal the necklace that was supposed to be mine…” 

    She asked Mme. Foriester to “borrow” it. Mme. Foriester agreed and gave it to Mme. Loisel and says, “Make sure you don’t lose it!’ She laughed and walked away.
Mme. Loisel ran off and told her husband the great news that she has the REAL necklace. Mme. Loisel told him the story about the necklace.  He was thrilled. They returned the necklace and went to go find a fake replica. After hundreds and hundreds of stores, the Loisel Family found the necklace. Without thinking, they purchased the necklace and gave it to Mme. Foriester who was in the store. Leaving the store, a voice said, “Thank you for shopping at Mme. Foriester's Fab Jewelz!” As they left, they restart their lives rich and wealthy, but didn’t know how their future was going to change.

    Back at Mme. Foriester’s Fab Jewelz, Mme. Foriester saw the Loisel Family running off happily, which she never saw.

    “Something suspicious is happening here, I should go check to see if my necklace was still there…” Mme. Foriester mumbled.

    As she was walking toward the pillar the necklace was there, she noticed that it was missing. She rushed toward the register to see today’s purchases, they saw Mme. Loisel’s name under, “Classic Paste Diamond Necklace.” She was angry. Angry how the Loisel family tricked her. Mme. Foriester contacted the police immediately.


    Before they could buy anything, the police surrounded the theifs and sent them to prison. Not just any prison, Mme. Foriester’s Junky Jail. There, they were treated badly and surrounded by violent men. Staring at their every movement.

    “At least it is better than our home right now!” Mme. Loisel said to cheer up Mr. Loisel. 

    Mr. Loisel said in a depressed voice, “ I… was the one… who was so nice… and so thoughtful… to buy those tickets… -” He paused, “-it was my fault.”


    Crying by the corner of the cell, a policeman opened the cell. 

    “Alright you are fr-” He said, but cut off by Mme. Loisel, 

    “Oh thank you for letting me free from that, that… MONSTER!” 

    “Not you, him, the one that is crying. You were the one who make this plan, who made the decision, Mr. Loisel here was not part of your “gang”,” he said, “I have orders from Mme. Foriester to give the money to Mr. Loisel to restart his life fresh and clean. He doesn’t deserve a wife like you.”

    A big bang was made by the bars as they clashed into each other. 

    “Wait! What about me!” Mme. Loisel screamed from the top of her lungs. 

    “ I don’t think you want to live with a, “Monster”!” Mr. Loisel said in a sassy way. 

    Now, the husband lives in an expensive apartment on floor 57, with the items and furniture that Mme. Loisel ever wished. 

    “Man, what has life become? I lost a wife, I lost money, had hard labor, what next?” He said softly.

    Everyday, he sits by the grand window, looking at the prison Mme. Loisel is in, or Mme. Bel is at. Mr. Loisel couldn’t handle long-distance relationships, so he got divorced. As he waits, years past, waiting for Mme. Bel to look out her window.

2 comments:

  1. I really like your story. You described Mme. Loisel very well. It had another twist at the end. The ending makes Mme. Loisel pay for her crimes.

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  2. What's surprising to me is that many of your seventh grade peers chose to write about the princess and the man, where as you chose the story about the necklace. What's more interesting to me is that you chose to be different and wrote something very well detailed. That in its self is an accomplishment, nice work!

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